The challenges of talk therapy for a stressed out brain
I have long thought about writing this blog post. I know some wonderful talk therapists who work really hard with their clients to promote change. But it is sometimes (often) a long and laborious journey. And success is by no means inevitable. I know people who’ve invested years (and lots of money) in weekly therapy sessions, who at the end did not feel substantially different than when they began their therapy.
So, I began looking for alternatives early on in my 30+ years as a talk therapist (yah, maybe I’m a slow learner – but honestly, there didn’t seem to be anything out ‘there’ that worked substantially better than talk therapy). And finally, with the shift into the new millennium, these three tools showed up in my life. Why do I use these now as catalysts of transformation? Why don’t I still use ‘talk therapy?’ Read on, my friend…
My list of 9 reasons why I don’t use talk therapy any more…
1. Talk therapy takes a very long time, to be effective at changing the old stress and trauma stories that we’re consciously aware of. Did I emphasize a VERY LONG TIME? Working through our resistance to change in itself can take a long time. In my own heart, we don’t have the luxury of endless time spent, for tiny steps forward. Nor does our planet. We need to “be the change we are wanting to see” NOW, more than ever.
2. Furthermore, it turns out that the stress stories which we’re consciously aware of, is a very small percentage of what keeps us locked in replaying the same-old stress and trauma stories, over and over again. The most powerful stories that run our lives are held in our individual and collective human unconscious. Yup, that means we’re not even consciously aware of most of the stories that run our lives… Sooo, how can we change what we don’t even recognize that’s inside us? That, my friends, has been one of the biggest questions that plagued me for decades…
Talk therapy can be re-traumatizing…
3. At its ‘worst’, for those who’ve experienced an earlier trauma, talk therapy can be re-traumatizing. Asking people to remember and review their worst and most painful, terrorizing experiences… and then to share them with another human being (like a therapist), can activate memories which result in flashbacks. Flashback memories are like reliving the memory, as though people are not in the ‘here-and-now’ but rather stuck ‘back then’, totally re-experiencing a trauma. Many understandably wish to avoid this.
How the brain contributes to talk therapy challenges…
4. The brain’s neurological contribution: Even the process of talking about intimate and sometimes never-before-disclosed experiences can feel threatening and unsafe. This can be especially so when people begin to feel cared about, by their therapist. After all, many people experienced early trauma and stress in their families, where the stress and trauma are connected to intimate, loving relationships.
The neuro-scientists say: In the human brain, “what fires together, wires together”. So, when pain and fear get wired together with love in the brain of a young child, they learn to feel unsafe with those who are supposed to love them.
Feeling loved or cared for, can then trigger feeling unsafe. In talk therapy, this can then result in people feeling ‘resistant’ to talking, in order to unconsciously avoid being further hurt by another.
So this question arises – is it safe to trust another human? Especially with sharing experiences which make someone feel utterly vulnerable and helpless, traumatized. How is this helpful, for someone who’s already stressed out? This in itself can take such a long time to heal. What other options are there for addressing this, which don’t demand that people ‘speak their unspeakables’ out loud, to a stranger?
Further implications of 3 and 4…
5. Numbers 3 and 4 can also result (again, quite understandably) in people feeling resistant to sharing, to talking in order to heal. Not everyone communicates easily through words. Some traumas are locked into emotional patterns of deep shame and guilt. Not easy to talk about. And not-talking about them inevitably feels like failure and more shame, which is also not helpful to anyone.
6. Each time we re-experience sharing all the gory details of what’s intensely stressful/traumatic, our brains develop more brainwave circuits about those memories – this means what’s traumatic becomes, in our brains, like superhighways, with loads of circuitry/pathways. And ‘superhighways’ in our brain circuitry make it more and more difficult to not travel those pathways – our brains become more and more comfortable in taking us on a journey where we don’t want to go! Result: we spend more and more time in our old stress patterns, wanting to escape them, but feeling unable to get off the hamster wheel of stress and trauma. No wonder we feel so stressed out!
What about traumatic events before we had any words?
7. Furthermore, when some of our early trauma experiences were pre-verbal (occurring before we developed language), they are locked in our bodies, without any language to describe them (since they first happened before we had language). How can ‘talk therapy’ possibly help in these situations, when there are no words to describe these powerful if unconscious memories?
Our human coping skills get in the way too…
8. Avoiding clearing out these stories also isn’t helpful – then they just stay stuck in our unconscious. And the Law of Attraction keeps them coming back, over and over again, looking to be witnessed into completion, healed somehow.
9. Covering the stress stories up by pretending to be happy, or by using addictive ways to keep us distracted, also doesn’t clear them out… and can lead to long-term patterns of addiction.
If we can’t clear out old trauma/stress by talking it out… or by understanding it (since we only see the small conscious tip of the iceberg)… And since ignoring, or avoiding, or covering it up with addictive patterns also doesn’t work… what’s left to help us heal?
My favourite 21st century healing tools…
The tools I rely on now have all assisted me in digging myself out of my own stress/trauma holes. These include EFT tapping, Hacking Reality and Soul Tones.
Why?
Each of these three options offers us humans ways to avoid the talk-therapy-mind-traps. These traps can otherwise keep us unhelpfully occupied for a very long time!
Each of these tools helps shift us beyond our mind, and into our bodies. Our unconscious level of self is in our body. That’s where all our old limiting stories are kept, in our own personal vault. These three tools are like a combination lock that can finally spring us free.
There is lots you can shift on your own, by learning the basic tapping ‘recipe.’
Here’s a link to read more about it and discover some additional resources: https://eftuniverse.com/tutorial/what-is-eft-the-basic-recipe/
Hacking Reality sessions are best done with an experienced, trained HR practitioner. If you’re interested in learning more about them, tap here for more information.
Or, perhaps you’re curious to learn more about using vibration and frequencies to assist you on your journey. You can check out the About Soul Tones resource here.
“Every adventure requires a first step.”
[Alice in Wonderland]
