Can EFT tapping help with grief?
Well, when I first discovered EFT in 2008, I had no idea about that.
Nonetheless, I was gob-smacked by how it seemed helpful for so many human ‘problems’ or challenges.
So I read voraciously about it. Bought Gary Craig’s DVD training library. Collected a big binder full of anecdotal evidence.
Then I tried it, first on me.
Back then, it had not yet been scientifically studied and validated as a ‘Best Practices’ tool for working with traumas like grief. Nonetheless, there were therapists and psychologists bravely trialing it (against their mainstream colleagues and organizations). And discovering astonishing results with many human challenges.
Now, of course, even the American Psychological Association has accepted it as a ‘best practice’ for dealing with trauma. This includes using it with war vets who struggle with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.
But in 2008, it was just one more new, alternative type of therapy that I was exploring for use with my traumatized clients (who comprised 100% of my clients).
It seemed promising, when I tried it for different challenges – on me, at least…
My first experience using EFT with others
Then one Friday afternoon when I was on-call at the children’s mental health agency where I worked, two women came into our office, looking for immediate support.
One was a colleague I vaguely knew. The other was her client, who was yearning for relief. Turns out they were both struggling massively, although I didn’t know that yet.
I knew none of the details about her client’s difficulties. I offered to either refer them elsewhere, (to adult services since the agency where I worked was only funded to work with children and families). Or they could try this new technique I was learning about.
They chose ‘Door Number 2’ and we were off.
I promised no results, being transparent about the newness of this technique for me. I offered it as an experiment and they agreed.
In the spirit of experimenting, I also offered to work with both of them (borrowing benefits – you can read more about that here).
Navigating through the unknown
I knew nothing about the details either one was struggling with – nada, zilch. In the world of ‘talk’ therapy, those factors would have meant it was impossible to provide any service at all!
Yet here we were, setting out on an uncharted journey together, without knowing anything! All I had to go on were my clinical skills and the basic outline of how tapping ‘works’.
Results
We emerged 45 minutes later from that session. Without knowing anything about either woman’s struggles or life experiences, during those 45 minutes, they both experienced reducing their distress from a 9 or 10 (on a distress scale from 0 to 10, where 10 is the highest imaginable to the client)… down to a 1 or 2.
Plus, simply through following my lead in tapping with one of them – the other woman just watched us and followed along – I didn’t even work with her directly – and she still went from a 9 or 10 down to a 1 or 2 in her level of emotional distress!
You might be wondering what the issues were that we’d been tapping on. I know I sure did!
What the heck had we been tapping on?
When I asked if they were willing to share, at the end of the session, the one who had just witnessed and tapped along, shared that she was mourning the loss of her mother – her life had been utterly incapacitated by her grief for several years.
She described feeling her using EFT for grief (even privately) had freed her from feeling stuck in her grief. Instead, she had new energy to deal with some of the tasks before her. She was still sad. But it felt very manageable, no longer paralyzing her now.
Wow.
I was stunned. Even without her saying a word, and just following along with what I was tapping on with her counselor, she still experienced such a massive shift in her grief.
EFT for grief…
Then I asked the woman I’d been tapping with, who had also gone from a 9 or 10 on the distress scale to a 1 or 2. When I asked her if she was willing to share what we’d been tapping on, her story was heart-wrenching.
She told me her step-child had committed suicide a year before our session (the anniversary was actually the next day).
All year since the loss of this child, she had been tormented with guilt. She felt she should have recognized the signs that her stepchild was feeling suicidal.
Now, she felt she had the emotional clarity to be able to hold a ceremony the next day, honoring and celebrating the soul of her step-child. The tapping using EFT for grief had shifted something deep in her.
Another massive wow.
Implications I needed to think about
Honestly, we were all flabbergasted by the resounding emotional shifts in both of them. Because it was a ‘walk-in’ session and I never saw either of them again, I have no idea how the changes ‘stuck’ with them.
I only know (from subsequent tapping work) that changes – even when they’re as massive as these were, tend to be enduring across time. Once the emotional charge has been discharged, it tends to be durable.
Well, it was impossible for me, given all those circumstances, to not recognize that something truly extraordinary had just happened.
Even with me not really knowing much about what I was doing. The actual tapping process is simple enough to teach a child. But clinical acumen and experience helps, especially in more serious situations like this one. (*** If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or other traumas, please reach out for professional and/or medical assistance).
And not knowing the content of what we were tapping on. I mean, those would be impossible parameters in a talk therapy session!
Moving forward with tapping
So, I was ‘hooked’ as they say. I do need to add that these ‘one session wonders,’ while not unheard of in EFT circles, are generally exceptional.
Most sessions proceed more slowly, gifting the client with opportunities to integrate the changes more slowly. But slow or faster, these aspects remain consistent:
- Tapping sessions are more efficient (fewer needed across sessions) than regular ‘talk therapy’ (you can check that out more on my Home page here, under Research)
- Clients do not need to talk about the details of ‘what happened’ – it is equally powerful to just tap, while they are feeling whatever they are feeling
- Tapping sessions are gentle and supportive for the client
- Client and practitioner work together collaboratively, as partners
- The tapping process is easy to learn and clients can practice on their own too – an important part of self-empowerment
- Tapping re-programs the stressed/traumatized brain and central nervous system, away from sympathetic (fight-flight-or-freeze) reactivity, and into parasympathetic (rest and digest) calm
And now, of course, I also have Hacking Reality tapping skills. This allows me to support clients in a safe and gentle way. We can step back into a frozen trauma capsule, to support a Younger Self and heal what happened. Then, once we have cleared the emotional reactivity ‘charge,’ overwriting a positive new ending to the story is possible.
In my time since that first powerful session using EFT for grief, I have experienced many more potent transformations – on grief and other human challenging experiences. Including in my own life, with my own grief. (If you’re curious about how Hacking Reality helps us connect with the soul of someone we’ve lost, here’s one of my experiences).
So many times with EFT tapping and Hacking Reality, I have witnessed and experienced the ‘impossible’ becoming ‘I’m possible.’
Want to read more about how Hacking Reality has helped me transform my life? Tap here.
